Ask the Sexpert

Q.  I need some advice.  I had a radiation treatment last month and haven’t been feeling well, but I still have to satisfy my other half. I lost my sex drive completely. I don’t care for it. I don’t want to talk about it and I sure don’t want to do it, but I have too.  Any suggestions?  Can I take something to bring it back?

(I’m assuming you have been physically cleared by your doctor to resume sex)

A.  Sex is equal parts physical and mental.  It sounds like your physical disinterest has affected your mental desire.  I’m assuming you don’t want to let your mate wait it out while your desire comes back- which is probably a good idea.  It’s also selfless on your part, so your mate is going to have to offer you a bit of selflessness on his end also.

1.  Zero desire= Zero natural lubrication  If your body does not want to have sex, you will find it hard to self-lubricate.  Use a good water-based lubricant.  You will actually find yourself getting aroused once you get into the swing of things.  Think of the lube as a head start.  The great thing about water-based lube is that it feels natural, unlike some silicone and silicone hybrid lubricants.

2.  Let him enjoy the party.  Give him special attention.  If you simply aren’t up to the task of having vaginal sex, let him enjoy sex in any other way you can think of without letting him actually penetrate you.  Break out the lube for this too.  While performing oral sex on him, put lube all over him so things get extra slippery.  Try a hand held masturbator on him, either while performing oral sex or as the main event.  The main idea is to make it all about HIM.  This should take some of the focus off of your lack of desire.  You might find yourself aroused as you stimulate him.

3.  Try arousal enhancers.  Give your libido a kick start with arousal creams/gels like, Wet wOw, Tasty Twist, or System Jo Clitoral Gel .  Think of these as “cheat creams” to boost your libido.  Try one or all and take things slow.  Have your partner make sure to pay special attention to your needs.  Have him stimulate you to orgasm prior to penetrative sex, so any reservations you have mentally will be replaced with pleasure.

Don’t expect anything to be a quick fix, but attack your libido from a few different angles and hopefully your mental reservations will slowly dissipate as you physically prepare to resume sexual activity.  Most of all, communicate with your partner!

I hope this helps.

Erotica- Our First Vibe

Our First Vibrator


When I asked Liz what she wanted for her birthday, I expected her to say perfume or jewelry. But she had something else in mind.

“A vibrator? Are you serious?” I said. She giggled nervously, but I knew that she meant it.

Liz was easily embarrassed and almost virginal in style. But her lascivious streak never failed to surprise me. She could charm dinner guests while playing with my cock under the table. I looked forward to shopping.

A few days later I visited a store called the Pleasure Chest, a 7-Evelen of sex toys and paraphernalia. Men in three-piece suits with blond, manicured girlfriends perused cock rings and crotch-less panties. A gay couple in black leather and studded chokers examined a giant two-headed dildo with “lifelike veins.”

The vibrators on display ranged in size and color from monstrous flesh-colored models to butt plugs that resembled night-lights. Some were expensive semi-orthopedic devices with sponge-covered balls affixed. Others were strap-on affairs that promised stunning orgasms for the woman daring enough to wear one. Options included variable speeds and intensities, hand crank, AC-DC adaptors, kits with lubricants and spiky rubber sleeves.

I eventually decided on two sleek, white missile-shaped models like the ones that turn up occasionally in drugstores. Each package portrayed a woman smiling beatifically as she held the little bullet to her cheek. “Eases muscle tension, “ the copy proclaimed. The big one, about ten inches long, was an inch-and-a-half in diameter near the rigid bottom and tapered to a point. The other was no longer than four inches and nearly the same thickness.

When I handed the boxes to a clerk in black leather and crew cut, he looked up in mock horror. “Two?” he intoned. “Aren’t we being a little piggy?” I mumbled something out of embarrassment, but he paid no attention. With the nonchalance of someone who had tested vibrators a thousand times, he threw batteries into each one, twisted them with a flick of the wrist, then flipped them back into the box. Like a waiter reciting the specials of the day, he then advised: “Remove the batteries after each use. Keep hem clean. Don’t use them in the tub. Have a nice day.”

Liz tore the wrapping paper away like a kid. “You really did it?” she cried. Then she started giggling “Two! Oh, my God. “

I slipped the big one out of the box and turned it on. Liz gasped. “Jesus, it’s loud, isn’t it?”

“Don’t worry, “ I said. “The neighbors will just think it’s an electric toothbrush.”

With the thing still buzzing in my hand I put my arms around her and lifted her skirt from behind. I slid it down her ass and between her legs. The sound was muffled as it disappeared beneath thighs and poked it through to the front.  Liz’s mouth dropped open with pleasure. I kissed her deeply while lifting her gently to her toes with the vibrator pressing against her cunt. She was moaning now as her weight brought the buzzing bullet into direct contract with her clitoris.

I put it between us and we held it with our crotches while embracing. Liz began to grind against me. I pulled down her pantyhose and took off my shirt and tie. We kissed deeply.  My hand played with her cunt. It was open and wet as her outer lips gave way to my fingers.

I moved down to kiss her breasts and suddenly jumped. The vibrator was between my legs. Liz was rubbing it over my ass and against my balls. I felt a boiling sensation against my peritoneum, a buzzing throughout my testicles and inside me. “That feels weird,” I shuddered, “but wonderful.”

Liz smiled lewdly as she roamed with it all over my thighs and crotch. “A cock of my own, “she giggled. “How do you like that?”

I was fully erect. I knew I would come in seconds if I entered her. So I took the vibrator and used it to caress her breasts and stomach. She closed her eyes slowly parted her legs, pushing a pillow beneath her. “I’m the birthday girl,” she whispered. “And I want my present now.”

I felt like spurting my come all over her stomach. But I wanted to climax with her. So instead I knelt beside her on my haunches. I stroked her face with one hand and nuzzled buzzing vibrator into her opening. Its quivering tip just barely nudged her cunt open. Liz moaned and whimpered and finally pleaded, “Oh, please, don’t tease me.”

Our lovemaking always had an element of taunting. When she was excited, I made her admit that she was hungry little whore.  That admission caused her last inhibition to snap and she would grow even wilder, bucking her hips and in a low guttural voice begging to be fucked.

So I teased her with the dildo, pushing it in slightly and withdrawing it. “We have a hungry little cunt tonight,” I murmured.

“Please don’t do this,” she sighed. “Stick it in me. Please.”

Bringing her knees up she swallowed three fourths of the vibrator. I pulled It out and slowly slid it back and forth again and again. It made wet smacking noises as it parted her pussy. She moaned softly, lost in the pleasure coming from between her legs. Then I began pumping her with a steady rhythm. I watched her buck to meet every thrust. The buzzing went from loud to soft as the shiny white cylinder slithered deeply in and out of her.

My voyeurism became rampant now. Wanting to see her pleasure herself, I placed her hand over my own on the vibrator. She grabbed it without hesitation and then she began plunging it into herself even faster than before.

While Liz was fucking herself furiously with the ten-inch dildo, I leaned over to retrieve the little one from the bedside table. My cock brushed her face. With her eyes still closed, Liz parted her lips and stuck out her tongue to find me. In a moment I was inside her warm mouth and her cheeks were contracting feverishly while she kept the big dildo tight in her fist.

She sucked me with groans of pleasure, arching her head and neck form the pillow. I snapped the little vibrator on and moved it down her stomach, toward her clit. When I penetrated her with it her jaw went slack and hr body stiffened. My cock fell still shiny with saliva from her mouth.

“Oh, honey, keep it there. Please don’t stop,” she begged. I held the little vibrator lightly against her exposed clitoris and knelt back to watch.

It was a view I had never been privy to before. Liz’s body was stiffening as if taking an electric charge. Her hands fell limply to her sides, but the big vibrator still jutted from her thick pubic thatch, held only by her muscles. From the look on her face, I knew we were in the countdown stage.

Suddenly her torso arched upward and a low, breathy “Ohhh” came from her lips. She shook and quivered and gasped for nearly a full minute. I was voyeur and participant, feeling something close to wonder to see her in that state. She was so out of control, so abandoned to the pleasure coursing through her cunt, that I felt a small pang of jealousy, When her breathing returned to normal, I fought back my own greed and whispered in her ear, “Happy birthday.”

I knew Liz would soon get horny again, but I was anxious. I reached over for a bottle of baby oil on the bed stand and dripped some onto my cock till it glistened. With on hand I lubricated myself until the oil made a popping sound. With the other I parted her cunt.

Kneeling between her legs, I pumped my erection, waiting for her eyes to open. I knew she loved to watch me do this. It reminded her of porno movies we had seen. When she finally looked at me a smile spread across her face and she raised her legs in the air. I slid into her with ease. She squeezed her cunt muscles in welcome.

“You feel so warm and big,” she said. “Just let me lie here and get fucked by that big thick cock.” She bit my lips, sucked my tongue and begged me to fuck her. “I’m so open, I’m so wet,” she groaned as I slid in and out of her.

After about ten thrusts I was ready to come. I wanted to hold back, but Liz was milking me with her cunt. I slowed down, and began to lick her breasts when I heard one of the vibrators snap on. Liz was pressing the small one-still wet with her juices-against my ass. The buzzing tip suddenly slipped all the way in. I started thrusting furiously, feeling nothing but that churning inside me and my come coursing up through my cock.

“Shoot it,” she cried. “Shoot it into me, make me take it.” I pushed my cock deep inside her. Liz was moaning-for me, for my pleasure-while holding the vibrator against my ass. With my last spasm I fell on top of her and we shared a deep, wet, tired kiss.

The two vibrators became a part of our sex lives. We named them Jo and Joe and even took them with us on weekends to the country. It was on one of those weekends that I raised the subject of her Christmas gift. She mused for a moment, then looked up at me with an innocent smile and said, “Batteries.”

courtesy of Penthouse

Position Tuesdays- The Ride of your Life

Erotic Instructions: Your guy lies on his back. Facing him, lower yourself onto his penis in a kneeling position. Keeping your knees on the bed, curl your feet around the inside of his legs, likely around his knees. Lean forward and grab the bedsheets on either side of his head. While holding the sheets — and your feet wrapped around your man’s calves — squeeze your butt, tilt your pelvis, and move in small, tight motions.

Why You’ll Love It:

Giddy up! By gripping the bedsheets and using the self-created “stirrups,” this quasi-cowgirl configuration offers lots of leverage — you’ll maintain a steady rhythm without losing momentum before reaching orgasmville. And since your body is positioned higher than in the typical girl-on-top, your clitoris can easily rub against his pubic bone. courtesy of

Position Tuesdays- The Tight Squeeze

The Tight Squeeze

Lie down on your stomach and, keeping your legs  straight, spread them slightly. Rest your arms by your side, or stretch them out  in front of you. Have your guy stretch his body over yours, resting on his  elbows so he doesn’t place all his weight on you. He then positions his legs  outside your legs. As he enters you, close your legs and cross them at the  ankles.

Courtesy of

Erotica- I Miss Your Touch

I miss your touch

I got home from work late. Rushed to make sure your dinner was on the table. I’m fresh; the stress and the grime of the day washed off my body. Just waiting patiently to kiss you, while fantasizing about all the ways we’d prove our love, while passing the time.

You arrive home. We eat, laugh, joke, and talk. We share a love and a bond so strong. When we make love our bodies become one. We can’t tell where your heartbeat ends and mine begin.

It would start with a kiss, slow and passionate. Next, you’d undress me slowly, basking in my body as if it was the first time. Your fingers move down my abdomen to my sweet spot. I’m already ready for you to penetrate me. Instead, you lay me on my back. Tasting my sweet nectar slow at first then faster. You lays know where to touch and how to do it. I’m begging to taste you, but you pin my legs down while you feast on my kitty.

After my body quivers, convulses, and shakes; you bless me with your rod. Ready to please and aiming to satisfy. Deep, slow strokes turn into fast and hard deliberate penetration. It hurts so good. Our bodies meld into each other as our sweat becomes one. We kiss and touch and I scream your name, as you drill me over and over. Always sensing when I’m close, you slow down and aim for that special spot that sends me into ecstasy. We cum together. Spent and satisfied.

I look to my side and it was all a dream. I felt you just like it was real. Yet, you’re gone. And I still miss your touch.


Ask the Sexpert

Q.  My boyfriend and I have been talking about having sex and he is MUCH bigger than any other guy I have been with. I don’t know what positions I should use to WOW him because I can do anything I just need some help. Advice?

A.  I’m assuming you want something spicy to start things off right. I would suggest:

You’re in complete control here, and the reason it feels so good is that you’re  literally sitting on his member, giving him no choice but to bury himself deep  inside you. And when he’s upside down, the blood will rush to his head, allowing  him to experience what’s called erotic inversion, and sending tingles to his  upper body that will turn his climax into an otherworldly experience.


This position will allow you to manually stimulate yourself while he thrusts.  Tilt your pelvis and contract your PC muscles and experience mind-blowing g-spot stimulation. 

And since you said he’s big, try:

You’ll control the depth of penetration in this position.  If his size takes some getting used to, meet him with shallow thrusts.  Rock and writhe your way to bliss. 

Either way, don’t put so much effort on “wowing” him for the first time and lose out on enjoying the first time.  Take things slow and add some foreplay so you’ll be all prepared to take all of him in, literally.  Try out some lube, to keep things slippery.  Or add some unisex arousal balm to kick things up another notch.  Most of all enjoy!  Don’t feel pressure to pull out all the stops in the beginning because you don’t want things to get stale.

Hope this helps!  Happy Sex!

Email us at to have your questions answered anonymously.

Position Tuesdays- Now and Zen

Erotic Instructions:
This pose provides a quiet moment in the middle of the  mattress madness. When on the brink of the Big O, take a break from whatever  heart-pounding position you’re in and try this out as a horny holding pattern.  Roll onto your sides, face-to-face (if possible, keep him inside you the entire  time), then put the passion on a low simmer with your legs intertwined and your  chests pressed against one another. Slowly build yourself back up to an even  more incredible climax. Trust us, you’ll both be screaming  ohmmm…my…God!

Read more: Now and Zen Sex Position – Cosmopolitan


Why You’ll Love It:

There’s not a whole lot of motion, which is why Now and Zen  delays your orgasm. But it’s perfect for erotic embraces and intimate contact.  You’ll feel closer to your man because you two are facing body-to-body. It’s  this kind of incredible emotional ecstasy that makes you laugh, cry, and come  all at the same time.

Read more: Now and Zen Sex Position – Cosmopolitan

Erotica Thursdays- A Hot Summer Day

A Hot Summer Day

The thermostat had touched 96 degrees for the second day in the row and I swore I’d die if the weather continued this way. It was a sweltering, sticky, sweat as soon as you get out of the shower type of hot. The last thing on my mind was sex, but my man always had a different agenda.

I’d just gotten out of a cold shower for the 2nd time today when my love came home and made his way up the stairs to our bedroom. He walked through the door and immediately started to strip.  I won’t deny, the mere sight of his perfect body had already gotten me going. I watched him walk towards the shower naked and my mouth watered at the sight of his semi erect penis. I stood directly in front of the air conditioner and attempted to patiently wait for the loving that I didn’t even want a few minutes ago.  Getting familiar with myself, I slowly massaged my nipples, increasing the speed as my body reacted to the pleasure. That encouraged me to move down my stomach to explore my fresh wetness. Just as I began to really enjoy myself my husband walked in on me. I was caught with my hand in my own cookie jar. I let his hand replace mine, and his name rolled off the tip of my tongue effortlessly. I got down on my knees and began to work my magic. I wet his glistening shaft with my tongue and took all of him in my mouth. He forcefully pushed my head into him while gripping my hair and vigorously directing my movements. Adjusting my pace and techniques, I stroked his length and massaged his balls till he came down my throat.

Next thing I knew, he had picked me up and pinned me against the wall and began to work me over. I endured, deep, hard, vicious strokes while he settled into a rhythm. I began screaming his name at the top of my lungs as he went deeper and deeper thrusting towards my sweet spot over and over again. Holding on for the ride, I began to bounce on top of his dick while meeting him thrust for thrust. Our bodies were dripping with sweat, yet we continued to fuck until we both collapsed on the floor.

Curled up on our bedroom rug, we laid basking in the after glow. My husband got up and left the room while I enjoyed our scent in silence. When he returned I was lying still with my eyes closed in a peaceful state of nirvana. I was quickly awoken to the piercing sting of ice gliding over my skin and Chill, our vibrating ice cube, getting reacquainted with my clitoris. The cooling sensation had my body in overdrive. By this point, I was completely paralyzed with pleasure because my love darted his tongue in and out of my hot pussy while Chill worked on my clit. He tasted every drop as my juices mixed with the melted ice and drizzled down his chin. As I came, he held me down forcing me to endure more of his tongue-lashing.

Completely satisfied, I fell into his arm and began to nod off again. After a few minutes he asked, “Are you ready for round three?” Not even opening my eyes I replied, “Are you crazy its 96 degrees today!”