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Q.  I need some advice.  I had a radiation treatment last month and haven’t been feeling well, but I still have to satisfy my other half. I lost my sex drive completely. I don’t care for it. I don’t want to talk about it and I sure don’t want to do it, but I have too.  Any suggestions?  Can I take something to bring it back?

(I’m assuming you have been physically cleared by your doctor to resume sex)

A.  Sex is equal parts physical and mental.  It sounds like your physical disinterest has affected your mental desire.  I’m assuming you don’t want to let your mate wait it out while your desire comes back- which is probably a good idea.  It’s also selfless on your part, so your mate is going to have to offer you a bit of selflessness on his end also.

1.  Zero desire= Zero natural lubrication  If your body does not want to have sex, you will find it hard to self-lubricate.  Use a good water-based lubricant.  You will actually find yourself getting aroused once you get into the swing of things.  Think of the lube as a head start.  The great thing about water-based lube is that it feels natural, unlike some silicone and silicone hybrid lubricants.

2.  Let him enjoy the party.  Give him special attention.  If you simply aren’t up to the task of having vaginal sex, let him enjoy sex in any other way you can think of without letting him actually penetrate you.  Break out the lube for this too.  While performing oral sex on him, put lube all over him so things get extra slippery.  Try a hand held masturbator on him, either while performing oral sex or as the main event.  The main idea is to make it all about HIM.  This should take some of the focus off of your lack of desire.  You might find yourself aroused as you stimulate him.

3.  Try arousal enhancers.  Give your libido a kick start with arousal creams/gels like, Wet wOw, Tasty Twist, or System Jo Clitoral Gel .  Think of these as “cheat creams” to boost your libido.  Try one or all and take things slow.  Have your partner make sure to pay special attention to your needs.  Have him stimulate you to orgasm prior to penetrative sex, so any reservations you have mentally will be replaced with pleasure.

Don’t expect anything to be a quick fix, but attack your libido from a few different angles and hopefully your mental reservations will slowly dissipate as you physically prepare to resume sexual activity.  Most of all, communicate with your partner!

I hope this helps.

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Q.  My boyfriend and I have been talking about having sex and he is MUCH bigger than any other guy I have been with. I don’t know what positions I should use to WOW him because I can do anything I just need some help. Advice?

A.  I’m assuming you want something spicy to start things off right. I would suggest:

You’re in complete control here, and the reason it feels so good is that you’re  literally sitting on his member, giving him no choice but to bury himself deep  inside you. And when he’s upside down, the blood will rush to his head, allowing  him to experience what’s called erotic inversion, and sending tingles to his  upper body that will turn his climax into an otherworldly experience.


This position will allow you to manually stimulate yourself while he thrusts.  Tilt your pelvis and contract your PC muscles and experience mind-blowing g-spot stimulation. 

And since you said he’s big, try:

You’ll control the depth of penetration in this position.  If his size takes some getting used to, meet him with shallow thrusts.  Rock and writhe your way to bliss. 

Either way, don’t put so much effort on “wowing” him for the first time and lose out on enjoying the first time.  Take things slow and add some foreplay so you’ll be all prepared to take all of him in, literally.  Try out some lube, to keep things slippery.  Or add some unisex arousal balm to kick things up another notch.  Most of all enjoy!  Don’t feel pressure to pull out all the stops in the beginning because you don’t want things to get stale.

Hope this helps!  Happy Sex!

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Q. My man and I are real freaks in the bedroom, but can’t seem to think of anything else to spice it up! Do you have any suggestions?!

A. Have you tried bondage or role play? Have a talk about your fantasies and act one out the next time you two get intimate. Your bedroom will be as spicy or dull as YOU and YOUR partner make it.
Please log on to the site,, we have couple’s vibes, sex in the shower accessories, bondage products, books, position aids, and so much more.

I hope this helps. Feel free to ask me anything.

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Q: I’m messing w this guy and as soon as he puts a freaking condom on he gets soft! WTH?! It’s so frustrating. So I was wondering if you have anything that can help with that. Pppleasssee help!!!

A: I would suggest either “pro-long spray”. It’s basically Viagra in a spray form and it helps to sustain and prolong an erection. My other suggestion would be a regular cock ring before he puts on the condom. It doesn’t have to be fancy a simple ring will suffice.

Hope this helps!

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Q.  I have no sex drive. Is there something I can do?

A. Since you didn’t offer a possible reason, I will address a few common reasons for decrease in sex drive.  There are several things that could be the cause of our sex drive’s disappearance. Stress is a huge culprit. There is also sexual dissatisfaction. Last, I’ll address self-esteem.

Stress can zap your body of moisture needed to make sex pleasurable. It also causes people to observe a decrease in desire for sex. If you are overworked or just overwhelmed, it can be impossible to relax and enjoy sex. But, don’t give in to that. You MUST make time even in the busiest times. If you don’t, your decreased sex drive could result in emotional disconnect, which will strain a relationship.

If you are not experiencing pleasure during sex, it would stand to reason that your desire to have sex would be low. Why bother? My mate doesn’t do it right. This is a cause for communication. Find out why your sizzle has fizzled. Barring any cheating, find out why everyday has turned into once a month or your sex schedule.  Show your partner how to stimulate you.

Are you unhappy with weight gain or self-conscious about your naked body?  Your mate has seen your body before, so don’t worry about how you look.  You are supposed to be enjoying sex during sex, not worrying about jiggles and wiggles.  If you still feel uncomfortable, get back in the gym.  Exercise boosts your libido.


Note:  This was answered assuming the person who posed the question was a female.

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Q.  I have heard that anal sex can be good, but I am scared to try.

A.  The good part about the anus is that there are millions of pleasure-providing nerve endings, but the bad part is there is no natural lubrication.  Anal sex can also be painful upon entry.  My two best pieces of advice are to use a ton of lube and try a good anal desensitizer.  Moist Anal Lube and Anal Ease

When you try anal for the first time, make sure to relax, lube up, and pick a position that will offer shallow penetration.  When stimulated properly, your lover can hit your g-spot during anal.  You will find this orgasm to be extremely powerful.  Refer to Tickle My Tush for tips and pointers!

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Q.  I have a horrible gag reflex.  Do you have any techniques or products you can suggest?

A.  One way to naturally suppress the gag reflex is to relax your throat muscles and breathe through your nose.  We sell good head, which is a gel that relaxes the gag reflex when swallowed approximately five minutes prior to fellatio.  Simply swallow the flavored gel and watch your gag reflex disappear.  You can also use your hands to stimulate the base while working the manageable portion of the penis length and girth.  A good flavored lubricant can also add the spice you need.

Check our blog next week for “The Art of Fellatio”

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Q. I don’t like the way my partner tastes. What can I do?

A.  If it’s a body odor thing, suggest a bath or shower before you get intimate. This way you can make sure to give them a good scrub. If the problem is the way they taste, suggest your partner drink more water, drink pineapple juice, and even stay away from some foods that cause the problem. Asparagus and broccoli are two veggies that can make you “taste” bad below the belt.

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Q.  Does sex outside promote good endorphins?

A.  Endorphins are opioid-like proteins that are released into the body.  They are brought on by danger, stress, exercise, and many other things.  I would say that the excitement from a sexual experience outside will definitely trigger some good endorphins.  Between the pleasure from orgasm and the euphoria from endorphin release, you’ll be in sexual ecstasy.

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Q.  What should you expect when having sex with an uncircumcised penis?

A.  The uncircumcised penis does look different to the eye because of the extra skin.  Some sources will say that hygiene is a problem for the uncircumcised man, but in my opinion maintaining the penis is no different than making sure to clean any other body part.  The head of the penis has millions of nerve endings, either way.  But, in the case of the un-cut man, the sensitivity is more prevalent.  So, generally just expect a man that has a penis that will look different and be more sensitive to sensations.  If cleanliness is a concern, suggest a group shower or bath prior to the deed and you can make sure he’s clean and ready.  I hope that helps.

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